The 5 Languages of Love and How To Use Them To Strengthen Your Relationships
If you want to strengthen your relationships, knowing the love languages of those around you is essential. Find out what they are and how to use them yourself today!
He gave me a death stare, with the facial expression of a wild and bewildered being. Misunderstood and disappointed. I was dumbfounded and clueless. What is wrong with him? I wondered. He hissed at me like an angry cat, and proceeded to vent his frustration.
“Do you think kissing me all the time is love?!!”
He then continued, “ If you think that’s what love is, then you obviously don’t love me.” I listened to him and began to feel upset too. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t feel loved, even though I always tried to show it to him through my love language. Which was physical touch. By using my own love language with him, I ignorantly made him feel unseen and unloved. And now that I think about it, he made me feel the same way by not giving me what I needed. Imagine how our relationship would have changed if both of us actually took the time to learn and understand each other's love language? We might still have been together today. But what are love languages anyway and how can you use them to strengthen your relationships?
The five love languages are: acts of service, gift-giving, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation.
And understanding your partner's love language can significantly improve your relationship and sometimes even save it from failing. And it doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship. all relationships will benefit just as much including your friendships, relationship with your children, parents, siblings, coworkers, ect… Like in the example I gave at the top, people usually give love the way they want themselves to receive love. So pay attention to that and learn to reciprocate in your partner's language and you will be very thankful that you did.
In this blog post I will get more into what the five love languages represent and you will discover how using your partner’s love language will benefit you and your relationship. From strengthening your relationship by making your partner feel loved and special, to signaling to your significant other that you really care about them instead of just thinking of your own needs, to helping us feel more content and emotionally fulfilled by creating stronger and less selfish relationships.
So let’s look into what the 5 love languages mean……
According to Gary Chapman's theory, each person has one primary and one secondary love language. Chapman suggests that in order
to understand your loved one’s love language, you must pay attention to what they complain about the most, how they express their love to you and others, and what their demands are.
Paying attention to all of that will improve your chances of figuring out their love language. You can also directly ask them too. So dive into each love language and find out what they mean. Acts of service mean that this person values action and feels loved if you perform some kind of action-related deed for them. Next is gift-giving. This person loves receiving gifts and feels loved when you give them a special gift. Quality time person feels love when you give them your undivided attention and spend time with them. Next is physical touch love language. This person is all about being kissed and hugged. Touching them will let them know that you care and they will melt away in your arms. And finally, we have the last love language, and that is words of affirmation. People with this love language want to hear how much you love and appreciate them.
And now that we’ve covered 5 love languages, let’s dive into how using them will improve your personal and platonic relationships.
Will Make Your Relationship Stronger by Making Your Partner Feel Loved and Special
Knowing and using your partner's love language will make your partner feel loved and special. When you understand and then use your partner’s love language you are giving your partner exactly what they need in order to feel seen and loved. And giving your partner what they want makes your partner feel happier and more content being in a relationship with you. Realizing that your partner understands you and is meeting your needs makes you feel more fulfilled and creates a deeper bond. A bond that we are more committed to and a bond that we are more afraid to let go of.
Will Signal to Your Partner that You Really Care About Them Instead of Just Thinking of Your Own Needs
Understanding your partner’s love language and then acting upon it will make your partner appreciate you more. If they are smart and grateful, then they will appreciate your effort into learning more about them and will reciprocate. Or at the very least, be grateful for having the relationship that they have with you. Usually, taking the time to get to know someone and then taking deliberate action to show them your love pays great emotional dividends. Taking the time to get to know someone and then applying what you learned takes selflessness and effort, and that really shows others that we care. It shows others that we’re not just trying to force our own ways on them, but rather that we are trying to learn about their preferences and make them happy. We learn how to love our partner in a way that is meaningful to them.
Getting to Know Someone Deep Down and Focusing on Their Needs Makes Us Feel More Happy and Fulfilled
By trying to get to know someone and really putting the effort into seeing them as a separate and unique individual, we are putting our own wants and ideas aside and becoming truly selfless. And selflessness is exactly what we need in order to feel fulfilled and happy. Thinking and focusing on others gets us out of our own head and we forget about our own problems and issues. It’s a great way to fight depression too. Getting to understand someone fully also helps us feel more connected and we feel less alone in this world and more understood. Getting to know someone’s needs and preferences makes us feel more connected to that individual and less on our own. We feel like we finally have a partner that we can rely on in tough times and that feeling of togetherness makes us feel more secure and content in our lives.
We get so much more when we give and that is the case here. Giving others exactly what they need and seeing that bright smile on their face makes us feel like we are making a positive difference. It makes us feel emotionally satisfied and like what we do really matters.
In Conclusion
Understanding your partner’s love language can go a long way. And there are 5 of them, as we discussed above. From showing others that we care about them by taking them out to a movie, to kissing them, to telling them softly how much they mean to us. Different personalities have different love languages and understanding your partner’s love language will make them feel seen, loved, and appreciated. In return your bond will strengthen and they will be more likely to reciprocate and cherish the bond that you two created. Understanding and taking deliberate action on showing your partner what you learned about them shows your significant other that you’re not just trying to impose your own ways and your own likes on them but rather are trying to get to know them as a unique and separate entity. And that act of selfishness is surely bound to be appreciated. And finally, getting to know someone and meeting their needs makes us feel happy by taking us outside of our own heads and makes us forget about our own issues. Knowing and seeing that we’re making a difference, even if it’s a small one, will ultimately make us feel on top of the world.
Identify Your Love Language:
When you’re in a relationship, do you feel more loved when your partner:
Tells you “I love you” or praises something that you did?
Kisses you often?
Surprises you by giving you a present?
Takes you out to a romantic movie?
Cleans the house or goes to the grocery story to get you something that you need?
Answering these questions will give you a hint as to how to learn what your love language is. What do you ask for or crave in your relationships? And how do you personally show love to your partner? Answering these questions will help you identify your love language. You can also take a free quiz to determine your love language here: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/
Sources
The Five Love Languages - Wikipedia